Supermassive Black Hole

I am writing this on the eve of the end of the world.

In the morning the multibillion dollar 27km long "Large 'hardon' collider" aka -the ultimate doomsday device, will be turned on. I was completly supportive of scientific advancements until the newsreader said "there is a teeny tiny possibility it may create a blackhole but dont worry ive been assured it is safe"Im sure im not the only person whos heartstopped and wondered if someone cut corners by getting the machine parts from acme. It sounds like the plot of a bad american summer blockbuster to me , featuring - Steven Hawking's talking wheelchair turning to the darkside and instructing easily corrupted scientists to create a blackhole that will turn the world inside out. In the final minutes Steven realises not only does he have telepathic powers to warn the world and shut down the machines , he becomes more bad-ass than bruce willis in diehard4 and Megatron combined- bursts out of his wheelchair, kills thousands of badnerds with his bare hands and generally brings the world back to order.



Im not actually that sad i may wake up in space and everyone i ever knew will be dead im just really pissed off with the timing caz I was kinda hoping I wouldn’t get a grim reaper visit before I went to Parklife, Meredith or Falls.



It also got me thinking what a waste it would be for all the cool underground bands with great potential to suddently vanish off the face of the earth just when they are starting to build a fanbase and gain momentum,
The following is a list of acts that have amazed me in the past months. Their demos and live shows are so awesome it scares me to think how good they are going to be this time next year....

Le Kingste –is a band of brothers who make the perfect soundtrack for the upcoming apocalypse.
The track “two pills” sounds like Matthew Bellamy howling and tinkeling the ivories on a stormy night whilst a grandiose theatrical mens choir plays Kirby's Ghost House on Super Nintendo.

The Voltaire Twins –are a brother sister electro outfit from Perth who make the kind of music the crystal castles could of created if they spent more time on original work than remixes and alice glass took singing lessons.They have just been added to parklife and ladytron handpicked them as supports. Their demos have been given a workout on fbi and can been heard blasting out the speakers at the indie discos

I found TRAPS' demo in the jar of “free shit” the weird and random bookstore polyester offers you when you buy an artist biography, big book of useless Japanese inventions or manual on satanic lesbian tattoo artistry.It really was a lucky dip caz I seriously thought the cd would only spend 5 seconds in my cd player before being retired as a coaster. But the tracks “ballad for the times –future and current” along with “common errors” are just so well developed and riveting I get urges to kidnap this band and lock them away in my wardrobe so they can get me pumped before i hit the town.

I was a bit apprehensive to hear triple j’s winner of the best high school band in the country.
Sure Silverchair had a great career, Bridezilla prove talent doesn’t have an age limit but The Flairz aren’t cute now that they are sprouting zits and i would rather eat razorblades than listen to “song about pingpong" part 2. But the winners IS are thankfully in Bridezilla's category. The song "Cult Romance" starts off really dark and athmospheric then all of a sudden changes direction completely by creating an insanely bright and poppy chorus that will be in your head for days. With most of the band members being an average age of 16, im excited to hear what they will come up with in the next couple of years till they are allowed to legally enjoy their rider.


The Frowning Clouds
Are another collective that needs adult supervison when they rock the pub circuit.
I wrote their name in my phone after coming across a picture of a fashionable band in Frankie magazine that looks like The Horrors if they grew up in the 60’s. As soon as I got home I looked them up expecting them to be a shit hot band from the UK but choked on my own spit when I found out they come from Geelong and had a gig down the road that very night. The place was packed full of scenesters trying to catch a glimpse of the pre pubescent boys in matching turtle necks and tight checked pants. The lead singer has a fondness for running around the audience acting like a gorilla during “jungle king” while the others bop around to the harmonica solos and bo diddley guitar twangs. It was incredibly fun without that derivative taste you get in your mouth after watching “retro” bands. If they were born 40 years earlier they would be megastars but I still want to shake the hand of the parent who left their early rollingstones records out for the kiddies to stumble upon.


Brisbane band Twist Oliver Twist!
Have thankfully got the songs to backup the use of such an awesome name.
Fun catchy and unstoppably dancey download “sass it” if you like the sound of a headbanging multi-synth battle royal with a dueling keyboard breakdown in the middle.

I felt really sorry for Fait Accompli the first time they played at The Espy, they were the last band during the StKilda Festival but played in the basement whilst the headliners were rocking the crowds upstairs. They just spent several hours in traffic jams driving from Sydney only to play to the barmaid who was counting the seconds till home time. Regardless they plugged in and played one of the greatest sets ive ever seen in that establishment. I stopped wipping benches and sat down crosslegged in the middle of the floor hypnotised by the punk rock fury they unleashed (that could rival death from above if they didn’t disband) and weaved beautiful melodies over the top of screams sung by one of my favourite drummers and maori multitaskers Mr.Ray.

Erase Release – if I didn’t stumble across this band on unearthed by accident I would of swore they were the latest act from the mecca of beardy yet awesome indie music from some sunny leafy cardigan wearing American state. I cant believe these guys have only been around for a few months as they have such a tight ,developed and impressive sound.
If you put the howls of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah , the layered guitar madness from The Cure, the lyrical finesse of Expatriate ,the melodies of the Cloudroom, scooped up the arty lo fi cred of Les Savy Fav and blended it up together like a creative juice smoothie then got The Bravery to snort it, their vomit sticking to the lightup dancefloor would sound like this (mmm creamy beige)

A few months ago I put my back out and spent two weeks coming in and out of conciousness from painpills. I got such cabin fever I decided to go out on a stormy weeknight and see an unknown band called KITCHEN. KNIFE. WIFE. (Due to the comic name alone). I was thrilled to see this band wasn’t a screamo emo band in wife beaters but the new project from one of my favourite local indie/ rocknroll acts that mysteriously went AWOL 6 months ago called The Sticks and consequently put my back out again from dancing like a madman.
Back when I poured beers for a living, on a good night I would see a few bands that can play their instruments well but they always lack that special something that makes the avg punter camp out for tickets or stick their poster on your wall.
The night The Sticks played, I went on a loo break, got hypnotised by their showmanship on the other stage and somehow returned to the bar half an hour later-sweaty, in a daze ,clutching their tshirt and ep that I spent my nights tips on.
They are currently touring with The Wombats in the trendy parts of London and are heading along to Berlin to wow the crowds at Popkomm.

As the line up for Splendour In The Grass this year consisted of ¾ of my favourite bands, I did not think the set I would be ranting and raving about afterwards would be the first one of day one. Whilst ART VS SCIENCE set up their many keyboards I admit I rolled my eyes and scanned the timetable for better offerings but within 2 songs, they converted me from music snob to hysterical fan where I found myself crowdsurfing with a 6ft penguin.
Their Midnight Juggernauts esque vocals, Calvin Harris hooks , fevered drumming and energetic wiggles-on-speed dancemoves was so infectious they drew a bigger crowd than some international acts and cemented themselves as the ultimate party band I will shaking my flippers to on NYE (just got added to falls!)



If your reading this blog it means we have survived the unthinkable.




Now that youve had a near deathexperience and are seeing life in all its technicoloured glory, give the same thrill to your ears and track down these acts ep's for the latest ipod assesory -the electronic gramaphone dock!